Thursday, November 17, 2011

Thursday Evening Musings

I had 3 doctor appts today.  My plate was full.  I didn't make it to all 3 appts.  I ended up having a 4rth appt added to the mix (for my son). I woke up refreshed, renewed, and ready to take on the world...or for a few moments anyway.

My pelvis was in bad shape.  Last night I started having problems walking after using my eliptical. I've had this problem before after I was rear-ended several years ago. So it worked out good I had a chiropractor appt this morning.  He believes it was the answer to some of the hip and low back pain I've experienced over the last few weeks.  Specially during and after my massage last Friday.  World of difference after being adjusted - after a few tears - I'm feeling much better. 

After I left there I went and seen my psychiatrist.  The appt went okay. I can't say I was happy. I can't say I am unhappy.  We have a 10-11 year history together.  I often find myself in a love/hate relationship with her.  And today wasn't so much about love.  I respect her and love her dearly.  However, I don't have to like what she has/had to say. I don't have to like the attitude that transpired.  I left her office fighting back tears.  Tears of frustration and anger.

I spoke to my husband on my way to my employer.  One of the issues I had w/my pdoc appt was I have to have paperwork turned into to my employer in order to work the following day.  The timeline was already met.  I also needed to get paperwork turned in by another time deadline in order to get a "weekly pick" for next week and not be forced to be oncall every single day.  I can't rotate/be oncall everyday at this point.  I met the deadline by less than 10 minutes.  I did end up getting a weekly pick, barely. 

Because, I had gotten so upset at the end of my appt and worked myself into a tizzy I called my PCP's office and cancelled my appt.  The last thing I needed was to go to that appt and have her make some stupid comment or suggestion that the malabsorption issues are in my head, depression related, and I'm just plain making shit up.  Because at that point, I could have very well ended up in the hospital or I decided come home and just be! I spoke to my dear friend S* and laid down and rested for a lil bit before picking my son up from school.

My son and I went to an impromptu derm appt.  I am hopeful that the course of treatment will be effective and we will not be faced at doing a biopsy and labwork.  She mentioned several times during the appt if the 8 week course of antibiotics doesn't clear this up OR it comes back after going away while on the antibiotics he will be facing testing for an auto immune disorder.  We are praying for an easy fix at this point with antibiotics.

In 2 weeks I will begin a 3 month set schedule for my work hours.  I'm very optimistic and hopeful I will be able to find some relief and stabalization.  Contrary to the vibe I got from my psychiatrist this morning....I am taking care of myself. I am doing what I need to much as I can....and taking care of myself.  I know that my therapist doesn't feel that me not working has been helpful.  I love her dearly.  And today I can honestly say....we can agree to disagree.  I know I am doing better.  I know it isn't even just a little bit better.  I also know that being home hasn't made things worse nor will they make it worse with me being home.  The only manner that it makes things worse with me staying home is the financial aspect.  Even though I have disability insurance it isn't 100%.  Regardless, my work week starts on Sunday.  Next week is a short week. I can hope and pray the following week I can get a weekly pick (set schedule).

In the meantime I have full plans on....taking care of ME the next 3 days.  I need to do some deep cleaning to do in the morning.  Things that should have been done the last 2-3 weeks while I've been home.  However, they didn't get done.  Saturday we are having a farewell party for one of the Elders (missionaries) who will be going home from his mission next week.  * anxiety is rather high at the thought of having a a large amount of church members in my home since my huband and children are the only  members who attend church on a regular basis.*

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