Sometimes...

....anxiety gets the best of me.
....depression gets the best of me.
....life gets the best of me.
....work gets the best of me.


~~Sometimes during those moments~~~

....I contemplate what life would be like if I was single. (done in the last 5 days)
....I contemplate what life would be like if I never had any children. (done in the last 5 days)
....I contemplate what you would look like if you were standing at my door in your underwear. (done in the last 5 days)
....I contemplate what you would say if I told you that I had a crush on you. (done in the last 5 days)
....I twist 24 gauge wire into little birds nest with beads to make a "robins nest". (done in the last 5 days).
....I edit photographs over and over.  (done in the last 5 days and need to do MANY MORE but don't feel like it)
....I contemplate what life would be like if I lived in Florida, Las Vegas or California.  (done in the last 5 days)
....I contemplate what life would be like if we would have never adopted our older son. (done in the last 5 days every single day several times during the day and all night long)

....I DO ANYTHING in my power to get out of my head. 

Today would be one of those days.  My living room looks different.  My carpets are cleaned.  As in...vaccumed, spot cleaned w/foam spray and scrub brush, and shampooed.  Most all of my Christmas decorations are out on the wall shelf that separates the living room and dinning room. All of the sheets and comforters in our house are freshly washed.  My fridge was cleaned.  Hardwood floors scrubbed and mopped.  Today was supposed to be my 5th day off in a row.  I was called yesterday to work a school route this morning.  It was an 1:51 minute shift. I get paid a minimum of 2:15 for any 'extra' work.  And because it was on my day off it is guaranteed overtime pay.  I was home by 8:45am and left for group at 3:30pm.  I also, looked into how to return my my Dansko boots that I bought from onlineshoes.com and I found a NEW pair of shoes to replace the boots I am returning.  And because I had a coupon to go towards my purchase I ordered my son a of Keen everyday hiking boots.

AND

I took an hour and half nap.  ALL between 9am-3:30pm. 

AND

I am sure more will be cleaned or done tonight bc I'm not going to be sleeping anytime soon.
Group set off a trigger for me tonight that I didn't expect or seen coming.  Not sure what else to clean in my house.  I have photos to edit.  I need to go to bed....an hour ago actually.  I have to work at 5:30am. I have a therapy appt mid morning that I really don't care to attend. And I don't get off work until almost 7pm.