The PDoc is In

After waiting several months to get into a new psychiatrist for a 2nd opinion (or possible have him follow my care....even though, deep down I didn't really want that) I was rather discouraged.  Depressed would be an understatement.  HUGE understatement to be honest.  Sometimes, that smack in the face is what you need.  In this case what I needed.  The get up and go to keep on fighting, keep on keeping on...was gone.  I made a follow up appt with my primary psychiatrist K* yesterday.  I've mentioned several times on this blog that we have a love/hate relationship.  I agree w/my PCP that sometimes you need a fresh look.  By going to see this new guy last week, this is exactly what I got. 

Yesterday my appt with K* was chuck full of information.  Much of the suggestions from the dr. I saw last week are not options.  Will never be options.  I will not have surgery and I will not do the other rather extreme things he suggested.  I'm not opposed to it.  However, at this time...in my heart I believe there is SOMETHING that is missing and SOMETHING else that could be helpful. I also left that appt feeling like she feels the same thing.

I left overwhelmed.  Heck, I became overwhelmed while talking to her.  I made sure to let her know that I was overwhelmed with several of the things she was throwing out there. 

For the first time in the 12 year history I have with K* she saw in writing in front of her; the list of medical dx that I have/had at some point.  Sitting in front of her on the first page of the report.  She skimmed the report.  Telling me different things, explaining what they were.  And giving me her ever so humble opinion.  Sometimes, I don't like her ever so humble and honest opinions. She was adamant about me seeing an endocrinologist. 

At the end of the appt. I left with 2 new prescriptions.  One I would start right away.  The other I would attempt to get my insurance to pay with the assumptions they would not and then we could start the prior auth process.  Much to our surprise it was partially covered.  I could attempt to get my insurance to lower the tier for lower coverage.  However, I am pretty sure it would be for naught.

So right now, I will start a Effixor (sp).  In hopes that there are no negative side effects such as increased suicidal ideation.  Trust me...when I say that I'm very very hesitant to take this based on my recent experiences with any antidepressants over the last year.  As in extremely HESITANT!! And I became even more hesitant when I found out that the cost was rather high.  My insurance doesn't pay for it at the 2 smaller co pays.  Unfortunately for me.  Whatever.  If it will help I can/will take it.  My history w/antidepressants isn't good....crossing more than my fingers!!

In a month or so I will start a prescription for Deplin. Basically it is a medical food/dietary supplement that contains methylfolate (aka: folate).  This was something that came to K*'s mind after she saw the different medical dx that were listed on the 2nd opinion report.

I contacted my PCP's office.  Have a referral to see someone in endocrinology in May.  And we shall see....what will happen from there.

K* and I discussed EMDR, also.  She was not very supportive of it.  She gave me her reasoning for it.  I'm not very sure I agree with her.  I will write more about that at a later time.  My son just came home from school and is being very loud.....I need to quiet him down real quick or it will be a long 6 hours before bedtime.

Pick Me Up...

Plain and simple..

You can't help but smile when seeing something like this portrait. 
I know I did. 

It is a simple "pick me up" type of portrait.
Lil' babe....carefree and innocent.

Today was a bit of a lighter day in the realm of things.  I came close to having a mini meltdown in drs office when requesting a copy of the report from last weeks new psych appt.  They would not give it to me.  Telling me they would fax it to my primary psychiatrist.  Whatever. It wasn't a battle I was willing to fight today.  I will see Dr. S in the morning.  I don't see J* for about 4 weeks.  One of them will discuss it with me I'm sure. If not...then it will become a battle that I will fight.

I had a PT eval for my shoulder this morning.  I love how the man told me that I have rounded shoulders and poor posture.  Uh' yeah....I have rounded shoulders because I drive for a living....with my arms extended out....with a 40,000 lb vehicle.  Duh'.  He quickly caught himself and corrected himself, somewhat.  Whatever. I don't need PT. I know what he is going to have me do.  Whatever I need to do to make work comp happy.

I'm serious about finding more information out in regards to EMDR.  I know that J* doesn't do it.  I'm past the part of "I don't want to learn about it, see if it would be a good fit for me, ect bc J* doesn't do it and I don't want to see yet...someone else."  The happenings of Sunday were enough for me to realize that I need to at least look into it.  Stop asking questions and move fwd with a consultation.  Stop thinking about it...and DO IT.  I see Dr. S in the morning and will attempt to bring it up with her. 

I'm tired beyond tired this evening.  Lack of sleep and plain BUSY freeking day has led me to be....TIRED.

 

Today

Is just another day.  As usual there have been ugly moments here and there.  However, nothing as ugly or dark as there have been in recent months....weeks.
Today, I accompanied a friend to see an attorney.   I'm glad I went with her.  I've found myself in a 'fight for what is right ' mode.  I feel much lighter and ready to take on what is placed before me.
Yesterday, without hesitation I was able to bring up a few different therapies, ask some questions that I've been hesitant.  
Today, I was willing and able to move fwd with an EMDR consultation.  I absolutely love that my therapist is able to be honest and forthright with me. Explaining it time her best ability and then saying the same thing that has always been in the back of my mind when I think abt EMDR.  Yet, today....I attempt to ask her reception staff "who" in her office does this therapy.  They were very busy and my friend was ready to leave.  She encouraged me to call my therapist and ask her who since I couldn't figure out via their website. 
This scares the living crap out of me.  I'm sooooo not interested in meeting with someone else.  Yet, today....I needed to capitalize on the fact that....today Im ready to take that on.
I hope...and...pray....it continues.
Also, today...my friend L* pointed out she sees a huge difference... and believes it is because I'm not working.  Onteresting perspective from someone else looking in.