Friday, November 4, 2011

Structure or Not

I realize that this blog has not been positive or shown my gratitude/thankfullness.
I also realize I have been nothing but down right depressing.
If you have come here looking upbeat and optimistic stuff..I'm sorry to disappoint.  I would love for a break on this downright shit-filled space I'm in.
As I posted a week or so ago, everyday I try to get up and go about as if 'today will he different'.  Today started just like that.  Attempted to come up with a structured healthy plan for the day.  One that would promote healing and restore faith of better day(s).
It is just past noon.
My children had early release and are home.
I managed to go out and about.
To the chiropractor,  JcP, and Subway for lunch with my husband.
I've escaped and am in my room.  Somehow, the heat from a heating pad seems to numb the overall pain and anxiety I am struggling with today.
Late last night PTSD reared its very ugly head.  It truly is a silent killer. Even though I'm able to write out (on my other blog) what happened and feel somewhat of a relief.  Like I'm not so alone.
There is more to it.  I am struggling today with not wanting to run.  RUN FAR FAR AWAY.  Where no one knows me.  Where I'm alone.  Where I'm safe from all that haunts the fucking daylights out of me.

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