Most people don't have to think about how they deal with life. Suicide thinkers do. Other people know how it feels good to run a mile, look at their stamp collection, meditate e build a bird house, garden, do a crossword puzzle. They do these things instinctively. Their thought process is not : "I feel like shit. I'd better find some way to divert my attention and improve my mood before I fall deeper into despair. " Their brain style allows them to cope with stress and pain, like a car engine having enough gas and oil to keep it running smoothly. My brain was (is) short on gas and oil.
Exerpt from "How I Stayed Alive When My Brain was Trying to Kill Me " by : Susan Rose Blauner
Holy shit does that paragraph resonate DEEPLY with me today. As in deep. Depression and the bs surrounding it has taken up residence in my brain today. And when I say deep I mean.....deep! I'm out of gas. Running on empty far to long.