I continue to get up....

...because of my kids.

This lil' poem states so simple who I often feel.  There are many days when they drive me near insanity (the good kind. hahaha).  Then there are days when I just couldn't imagine a day with out them.

I am not working right now.  It wasn't something that came about lightly.  I've had a few meltdowns this afternoon after seeing my therapist and calling the short-term disability insurance company. 

My children are the reason I get up every single day. They are the very fiber of my being.  I love them more than I love anything else on this earth.  With out them I have no idea where I would be at this moment. I can pretty much guarantee you it wouldn't be sitting in my living room....blogging.

When I left J*'s office this morning she wanted to know 'what my plan was for the next week....what was *I* going to do that was structured and healthy?'

I didn't have the answers.
I still don't have answers.

It may need to be a day-to-day plan that I develop.

For today the plan consisted of:
Me making dinner.
Eating dinner. 
Cleaning up the table.
And not going to my room or bathroom to hide in a hot bath.  While my children were still awake.

It is 9:15pm.  And I've struggled a great deal with not escaping to my room---to the tub. One of my two children are in bed.  The other will be shortly.  And it is just a matter of time before a very hot tub calls my name and I very well may not be able to keep it together any longer.

I've grounded my son...and then ungrounded him for kicking a ball at the house when he was supposed to be cleaning up dog crap.  Having a talk w/my daughter about her going to the temple next weekend w/the youth group.  I've spent the evening editing photos.  Updating my photo blog.  And working w/my brother to offer a portrait special to his office co-workers for head shot photos.

To be honest...I've not reverted to my room for a nap/break since I got up at 9:00am and left for my chiropractor and therapy appt.

Emotionally exhaused.