Thankfulness Project Monday

Several months ago I did a "Thankfulness Project Monday" post.  When Musings of a Counselor got a bit busy in her life and stopped doing them...I kinda forgot about it, too.  Even though I didn't write a post each week...I still looked forward to her posts and miss them.

So today I decided to take them back up. I hope and pray that I will be able to keep up with them and post every Monday.  At the end of the day, after we've been in and out of the ick over and over....we still have so very much to be thankful for.  And so with that in mind...here goes it.  No promises.  Just will say that I will give it a try.

• Naturally we all tend to think first how thankful we are for our children and family.  I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt how lucky I am to have the spirits that I do in my life. I know that my Father in Heaven hand picked not only my husband for me, but my children.  Even the one who is no longer technically MY child...he will forever be sealed for time and all eternity to me and he was chosen to be my son...even if he choose not to accept my love for him and the ability to get better.  I am eternally thankful for each my children.  For the foster child that we've had in our home.  For all that each of these children of mine have taught me.  EVEN when it is so very very hard!
• I am so thankful for a loving Heavenly Father. Who knows me. Who hears me. Who knows every single hair on my body.  My aches and pains.  My faith has continues to be weary and weak.  However, there are glimmers here and there.  In my darkest of moments, I know that my Heavenly Father has walked that path right beside me.  Even though, I might not admit it.  
• I am thankful for the ability to have some sort of work and income during my recovery period after my surgery.  Not all of my coworkers with similiar injuries have that option because their cases were denied by the workers compensation company.
• I am thankful for such beauty that surrounds me.  Each day as I drive to work it is apparent the seasons are changing. Ever so fast and it is a tad scary to think about being snowed in this winter.  We were blessed with a mild winter last year.  I don't believe we will be so blessed this year.  We can only hope and pray that we will be.
• I am thankful for the dear friend that I have.  Whom I can call (even though I don't) when I need it most.  To know that she loves me regardless of my flaws.  Regardless of my dreariness.  That I can ask her "What should I do about these meds...." and we can have this conversation about "the crazies" and how freaking hard it is.  I can't even talk about this with my husband on this level.  And so, for that...I'm so thankful.  She's been such a stellar of strength to me and I love her so incredible much.  (Now...dang it all if my shoulder/arm would cooperate I would drive thr 5.5 hrs and 2 states away to go see her...but I just can't make that drive right now. booooo)
• I will be forever thankful for access to medical care.  Without that access I am certain that I would not be writing this post. I would not be sitting in my living room in the wee hours of the middle of the night.  That I have a job that provides me with the best coverage I could ask for.  I'm more than willing to pay double of what I pay...in order to have the coverage I have.  It is truly a blessing that I believe so many people take for granted.

HOW ABOUT YOU?
What are you THANKFUL FOR?
Share your link in the comments OR on I Will Get Up Again and Again's Facebook Page!

Just Be/Sit With It.

A year ago if you told me some or all of my physical pain I experienced was emotionally related; I would have not believed you.

I did not believe H* (massage therapist) when she first brought this up to me.  I do believe deep down inside my heart I knew she was right.  However, as I do with most things I rebelled against agreeing with her.  Often, in therapy and other areas of my life, I have to chew on something for a few days, weeks, months....years in order to believe or see the full circle.

Soon I came to see where and what she was talking about.  It wasn't long before I was able to identify specific areas of my body where physical pain would show up and I would think to myself; "what is going on right now, what are the triggers (or non triggers) around me?  What is it my body is trying to tell me. 

I have one specific area that has caused me significant pain over the last couple of years.  When I was in an accident while working in Feb 2011 that area of my body because an even larger target.  I spent several weeks with bruising around this area of my body from the accident.

Today has been a particular rough day.  I spent a majority of the morning in tears.  Pain and swelling in my shoulder has come to an all time high.  And tonight, I can assure you that the physical pain I'm dealing with are emotionally related. Not my shoulder but the other area....my ribs.  And...I feel like I'm being crushed.  Earlier in the week, H* and I spoke at length.  She has told me several times before and then again this week....

"Just sit with it."
"Just be with it."
And so tonight, no Tylenol.  No heat.  No nothing.

Just sitting with it.
Just being with it.

And trying to let that be enough.

One Mindful Activity

Homework Assignment:

Notice once each day what you are doing in that moment.....being mindful of what is around you...

Today...I had several moments where I tried very hard to be mindful of what was going on at that exact moment and where the thoughts/feelings were coming from.  The smells, the lighting, touch, breathing, ect ect.

This morning as I was working.  Trying very hard to not miss my turns.  Keep my thoughts on my work.  Not missing a turn.  Where the sun was at on the horizon.

This afternoon as I sat in a specialists office.  My blood pressure was 133/98.  High for me.  Normal is 100/70 ish.  Trying to slow my breathing.  Trying to recognize and be mindful of the anxiety associated with this particular appt and how I got there.  Not only listening to the words coming out of this drs mouths but watching her lips.  Every.last.word. 

Every.last.word.  And the treatment option, not the worst, not the best.  Is there really a best?  Hell to the No!

Then following that appt I had a massage scheduled.  I've found a new massage therapist.  Amazing.  I was rather early to this appointment.  So for 45 minutes I sat back in my car, proccessed what just took place at my dr appt, with F*cking Perfect by Pink blaring on repeat.  45 minutes of F*cking Perfect repeat.  At one point I became a tad parnoid the neighbors might get upset and so I turned the radio down. 

90 minute massage where I tried for every single minute to be in the moment...to gain as much relaxation and benefit as I could.  There were several moments where I found myself checking out.

And in some cases checking out during a massage can be beneficial I'm sure.  Checking out for me, in my current frame so to speak....is not really a good idea. 

I'm exhausted!