Friday, June 1, 2012

Just Be/Sit With It.

A year ago if you told me some or all of my physical pain I experienced was emotionally related; I would have not believed you.

I did not believe H* (massage therapist) when she first brought this up to me.  I do believe deep down inside my heart I knew she was right.  However, as I do with most things I rebelled against agreeing with her.  Often, in therapy and other areas of my life, I have to chew on something for a few days, weeks, months....years in order to believe or see the full circle.

Soon I came to see where and what she was talking about.  It wasn't long before I was able to identify specific areas of my body where physical pain would show up and I would think to myself; "what is going on right now, what are the triggers (or non triggers) around me?  What is it my body is trying to tell me. 

I have one specific area that has caused me significant pain over the last couple of years.  When I was in an accident while working in Feb 2011 that area of my body because an even larger target.  I spent several weeks with bruising around this area of my body from the accident.

Today has been a particular rough day.  I spent a majority of the morning in tears.  Pain and swelling in my shoulder has come to an all time high.  And tonight, I can assure you that the physical pain I'm dealing with are emotionally related. Not my shoulder but the other ribs.  And...I feel like I'm being crushed.  Earlier in the week, H* and I spoke at length.  She has told me several times before and then again this week....

"Just sit with it."
"Just be with it."

And so tonight, no Tylenol.  No heat.  No nothing.

Just sitting with it.
Just being with it.

And trying to let that be enough.

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