It Is What It Is....Until it Isn't

That's all. I'm pissed.  What's new. 

I've not gotten out of the recliner..all day.
That's not true.
I had a meltdown earlier in the evening.  The dog and one of my children were in the same room.
They got the brunt of it. 
I took a hot shower until we ran out of hot shower.
Came back out to the living room and have maintained the same position that I had been in all day.  Working on the same project I've been working on all effing day.

During the shower I made sure to stay in a present mode and not turn it too hot and was in a safe place.  This has been something that J* and I've discussed over the last few weeks.  Finding a way to get to that space.  I apologized to my child for loosing my shit on him.  And tried to not let guilt sink in.

I also had a bit of a freek out when I saw My Group Therapy linked to this blog via her FB page.  Because I'm nervous as hell about someone 'knowing' who I am.  My bff was awesome and reassured me that I am very careful and it is very unlikely.  It is what it is.  If someone who knows me locally that didn't know about this blog before finds it.  Do me a favor and tell me.  Please.
  Thanks for the link love!! 

As I fall asleep tonight...
I will continue to remind myself of the montra that has kept me going today...kept me from becoming completely apeshit.

IT IS WHAT IT IS