Swearing

Swearing tends to be a cause for disagreement, frustration, arguement, all around pissed-off-ness among myself and my husband.

I don't swear.
My dh rarely swears.

The thing that frustrates me about my husband and my swearing is this:  He chooses the wrong freeking time to tell me to stop. 

The more depressed I am.  The more I swear.
The more suicidal I am.  The more every other word out of my mouth starts with F and ends with a K (or G).

Honestly, it happens even when I'm not depressed or suicidal. 

Telling me not to swear when it is all I can do to not drive my car into the median, walk out in front of a bus, or just plain don't want to live any longer is like adding salt to an already horrific wound. 

Conversation usually goes something like this:

Me:  F*cking idiot get out of the damn intersection.
DH: Watch what you say.
Me: You telling me to watch what I say?
DH:  Yes.  Just because some idiot doesn't know how to drive doesn't mean you have to call them an Effing Idiot (not he doesn't say the F word).
Me: Well they are.
DH: You still can choose other words.
Me: You telling me not to say F*
DH:  Yes.
Me:  Well F*ck you.
DH:  Stop! That's not called for.
Me:  F*ck you and the horse you rode in on. You don't like it get out of the car.
DH:  Really, you need to have this arguement w/me?
Me:  F*ck off. You should know after 18 yrs one of the worst things you can do it to tell me not to swear.  You know I will tell you to F*ck yourself in the process.  So shut the hell up or get out of the car.

And then...we sit in dead silence.
Not addressing the issue.
Not addressing it later when I'm in a better space to discuss it.
Not doing anything but pretending it didn't happen.

But it did.  And I know it is a source of contention.  And I know it pisses him off.  Just like I know that the damn baseball hanging in my f*cking garage....it pisses him off when I park my car 'a lil to far to the left....'.  So...I do it on purpose.  It's one of those things where if you harp at me.....long enough.....and annoy me....I'm just gonna do it to piss you off.

Now the swearing thing...I try hard to not swear.  Honestly, you might not believe me.  However, I do.  I really do.

And this week while I was working.  Even though, it was all I could do NOT to just walk and/or drive right out into oncoming traffic....Dear Lord....I can't even begin tell you how obsessive and intrusive and constant those thoughts were.....I STILL TRIED very hard not to swear.  In my head....I was f* everything.  On my blog post a few days ago.....I warned the very few readers I have (and tons of spammers...dear lord if you don't stop sending me spam comments I'm gonna really say f*ck in a reply and f*ck'n take ur heads off).  However, I did not saw much other than "Oh' Dear Lord" or call someone an idiot (not to their face) outloud.

That would be....until today!!

OH MY F*CKING HELL!!  Today wasn't really a bad day at work.  Today was a rather bad day at work.  Traffic is bad.  People are stupid.  I have a no-bull-shit tolerance on most days. 

By 9am...I had swore a tad to much. I thought to myself;  "you need to stop. take a deep breathe".  Heck, I even took several really deep breathes and had a customer make a comment about it.  I replied with "You see all the idiots out there...this deep breathing is keeping me from taking every single one of their freeking heads off....and trying to curb the need to call every single one of them an 'effing idiot'. "  She laughed hysterically.

Then....not even 5 minutes later I hear....."Thud....Thud....Thud" and I look back.  And I see and hear more "thud thud thud"  and I say under my breathe "aww f*ck".  I secure the coach.  I get out of my seat.  And I'm pissed.  REALLY pissed.  And the drunk SOB who went 'thud thud thud' starts throwing out the F* bomb at me.  Oh hell no.  I'm not gonna go there. 

And then....I said a lil' saying my dear friend S* says.  I didn't' even catch it.  Several of my passengers did and I hear a roaring chuckle.  I'm not chuckling. 

I say it again...."Sir you're gonna piss my shit off if you don't shut up, get up and get off the bus".
and I say it again....at least 3-4 times.

I get back in my seat.  I hear one lady say "Uh, I like that piss my shit off"  I think "good like it...shut up".  I'm still pissed.

About 5 minutes later I think....."awww.....my friend S*....she was with me today as I lost my cool on drunk man #1".

I had several more drunks.  One who triggered some more deep breathing and "he's just a passenger.  he will get off. don't look at him. you are safe' montra over and over and over.

I hope and pray....it is a while before I have a day full of drunks again!!!