Tuesday, December 20, 2011


At the group that I attend on Monday evenings I was told last night that I was being onry.  The therapist that said it was spot-on!!  It took all my ability not to tell her "you think!"

Instead, I didn't say a word. 

I'm still onry.
I'm still snarky.
I'm in one of those funks where I want to pick a fight.

I have no more days off until Sunday.

Sunday is Christmas.

I have not wrapped even ONE present.  I have no desire to wrap ANY presents.  I have earings and  necklaces that need to be finished. 

Quite frankly, I don't give a crap.

My heart sunk into a pit of grief on Sunday evening as I was asked several times by a small town cashier if I was ___'s Mom.  I'm not ___'s mom anymore.  And many days, I am able to talk about it, say no, stand up for myself and just not let it effect me.  If the gal would not have continued to insist that I was his mom, I wouldn't have been bothered.  However, as the last couple days have transpired.  It has stung a lil bit more.  Like opening a bottle of salt and pouring it on an open wound. 

My 9 year old stood up for me.  Looking at me and then at the cashier of the 'small town restraunt' and told her "You really should mind your own business and stop being nosey.  My mom gets pissed off when people are nosey."  (Or something like that).  Bless his lil heart.

Then last nights topic at group...just opened that wound up a lil bit more.  "What is it that you value in life?"  And what are you doing to "make those values" be top priority. 

One of the top things that I value is parenting.  And parenting hasn't been the most positive events in my life.  Sure, my bio children are attached, secure, and beautiful young people.  The oldest, adopted child....well not so much.  Having been judged and ridiculed by everybody from my own parents, in-laws, siblings, other family members and then nearly every.single.professional person involved...judged me.  Not my husband. Me. 

And today; that hurts. 


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