Saturday, December 3, 2011

RAW


*****consider yourself warned: this is rather raw post.  I know I've been in a massive negative spin for several weeks and the very few readers here are most definately sick of reading this shit.  F*ck, I'm sick of living it.  Regardless, ONE DAY I hope and pray I can look back and say "whoa...so glad things are so much better".  For now, it isn't.  And I'm just plain in a really bad space.  So if you are in a not so good space - click the little X at the top right hand of your screen and go on to read something else.

I just want to sleep. You don't have to think when you sleep. You don't have to feel when you sleep. It's about the only time I'm able to be at turn off the constant up and down circle.
I would have to be able to sleep first. It's nearly 3am. I have to work at 6:00am.  Damn it all.

There are times when things are better left unsaid. 

And soo....I'm taking a break. I need to pick myself back up off the f*cking ground.  After I'm done working this afternoon I am not sure what/where I will go. Home to bed until I am supposed to be back at work on Tuesday.  Who knows. I have no clue. 

I'm tired of being told 'suck it up'. I'm tired of everything.  I'm tried of being told there is no alternative.  I'm tired of being told that!!!!!!!  It doesn't make me feel any better.  It doesn't make me feel any less alone. 

1 comment:

DMM said...

:( Oh Mama, hate 3AM tailspins, too. Take a break. Don't suck it up, let it out. You are amazing and strong to let yourself be RAW. Better to be Raw than Numb. If sleep sounds good, then just sleep. Even if it is the middle of the day, who cares? Your brain, your heart, your emotions...they all probably just need a rest. <3