Hot

I fixed the tub drain.  Waiting for my dh to do it would been useless.  It is fixed.  The evidence is clear.  Rugs now need washed.  The floor is now dry AND clean.  And the tender burnt skin is a fresh reminder that falling asleep in a scalding hot tub is not the best idea.
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I don't need co-workers and others around me to confirm what I already know.   Walking up to someone you are not really close to and telling them "hey...--, add you ok?  You look like crap.  What is going on?  What can I do?"  Yeah...saying things like that really isn't helpful.  I am not going to in turn tell you why I look so shitty.
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My OT is certain surgery is a must.   Tonight,  even though I knew it is inevitable ....it just adds to the sinking hole I'm in.
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I need my hair cut.  My beautician and I have become friends.  She sent me a private FB message checking in.  It is just one more person I can't bring myself to talk to.   And so I have not went to get my hair cut.
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I mentioned to my husband what J* said/suggested on the phone today...he shook his head and laughed.  I can't even remember what his snarky comment was.   Basically,  he knows me and he knows the chance if anything of me reaching out for help next week in J*'s absence is not likely.  When asked what he thinks would be best he shrugged and said something on the lines of 'you need to figure that out for yourself'. 

So here I sit.  Again.  In a hot bath.  I have managed to keep myself from retreating to them.   It is what numbs out the noise and pain  around me. 

It is what it is...till it isn't.