This post was wrote earlier in the week.  A day or so after my Uncle passed away.

I've not been around my Aunt and Uncle much since I got married.  I moved back to my home state 18 years ago this fall.  Prior to doing so, I spent a great deal of time w/my Aunt D and Uncle D.  They were truly my heros. I looked up to them. I watched every single bit of their parenting.

 My Aunt D was as sarcastic and religious as they come.  She loves the Lord.  She loves her husband.  She loves her children.  And my Uncle D was as gentle as any man I knew.  He loved his wife.  Oh' did he love his wife.  He adored each of his 4 children.  Shortly after I came back to my home state they added to their family.  Their baby turned 16 the day D passed away.

I wasn't acutely aware of D's issues with depression.  It is a givenn when you live in constant pain.  Approx. 10 years ago D had an accident and hurt his back.  Not long after that my dh had a very similiar injury to his back.  I hope and pray that my dh's issues w/his back never get as severe as my Uncle D's did. 

The last time I saw D was 2 years ago when we our family visited Wa State for Easter Break.  My children met the other side of my family. That they never had any idea was there.  My daughter made a connection with D & D's youngest daughter.  We adored Lil J.  Who is not so little anymore.  She is a beautiful 16 yr old young lady.  Without a daddy.  Dear Lord my heart breaks for her.

My Aunt/Uncle are really the only people who know about the abuse that I endured at the hand of their brother/brother-in-law.  When I lived with my grandparents and my aunt and uncle = D/D made it very clear to me that my birth vessel was never to be seen on any of their property.  And even more so that I was justified in my feelings/thoughts about him.  My mother knows.  She chooses to ignore and be in denial.  She was abused greatly by him.  My Aunt and Uncle were very aware of the abuse she endured at the hand of his addictions and stupidity.

The emotions I've had over D's death have been wide.  Anger, hurt, pure sadness...and joy and happiness.  Those last 2 seem a bit odd in a way.  However, not so much when you've lived several years a life of suicidal ideation.  And I'm sure in my Uncle D's case a decade of uncontrollable pain.  He can dance freely.  And there is no doubt in my mind he is racing those cars, dancing and rejoicing in heaven as he is no longer in pain.

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So much more to say.  However, as I said in yesterday's post....I need to take a break.  I will be posting a few "drafts" over the next lil bit.