Wednesday, September 28, 2011

~Don't Believe~

Yikes.  Is this one ever hard for me to believe!!

Somewhere along the line this concept became a reality for me.

Believing what I think. 
Believing that I am less than perfect.
Believing that I will never achieve my the goals, wants and desires. 
Believing that I am not a good mother.
Believing that because the child we adopted could not live in and/or return to our home that I had failed as a HIS mother and would/still was failing as the mother to my other children.
Believing that I had failed my children and was failing as a wife.

Along the line, I believed that I could not hold a full-time job. And it was just a matter of time before I was fired or layed off or just up and quit.  It was something that had been a reality nearly all of my adult life.  And once I had my children, it became an even bigger reality. 

It wasn't until several months ago when one of my sweet soul sisters posted on my FB wall this video. And trust me...I've been to therapy (if you couldn't tell) and I know these things. Somehow hearing it in this song was truly what my soul needed to hear. My dh got mad bc I played that video over and over and over and over....for days. I listened to it till I could sing word for word. I bought the CD. I would drive to/from work w/the song on repeat. Often...tears would flow as I listened and tried to remember....that I am Perfect! And damn it all why do I need to believe anything different?

This continues to be a daily struggle.  I'm quite certain it won't end in the near future.  I can try.  We all can try.  And that is all we or I can hope for.

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