No words

I really don't get it!

And yet, I DO get it!

This morning I managed to pull myself together and go to work.  I sat oncall for 3 hours.  Barely keeping myself together.  When I read a FB status from my cousin that read "I never imagined loosing my daddy would be so hard....I love you..your - -."

My heart sank as I realized my uncle Dan passed away last night.  On his dd's 16th birthday.

I was in T.arget 2 hours later when I was called and told that my Uncle Dan committed suicide last night.

I am devastated. I GET IT.  Yet, I don't!

Pissed.
Hurt.
Sad.
Shocked.

Dear Lord...why?  It has been the only thing I can muster up the strength to really think/say!!