Staring at a blank screen. Whirlwind of thoughts swirl in out of my mind. I tell myself.."Just go back to sleep. It is only 1:45am."
Put the phone down and close my eyes in an attempt to fall back asleep. It doesn't last but a few seconds. Fear and panic have set in. I tell myself..."-- you are safe. -- is no longer alive. He can't hurt you."
The whirlwind continues to rage on. Curled up in fetal position, clutching the pillow that has been supporting my arm in bed for 8 weeks now. It now serves as some sort of comfort. Using every little bit of energy I have fighting off the tears and barrage of negative thoughts. Why can't I just go back to sleep?
In this moment I am that 5 yr old little girl again. Replaying one of the last memories I have of being with --. I tell myself "--, you are not 5. You are thirty something ..."
Emotions switch from fear and panic to anger.
The battle rages on within my head. And everytime I close my eyes...the same scenario is right there.
I hate him.