~Stillness~

I've blogged before about the positive effects that massage has had for me over the last few years.  Initially, when I first started seeing someone for massages it was because my anxiety was sky high w/a new job promotion. Over the last 3.5 years, I've seen a handful of different massage therapist.  About a year and half ago, someone suggested I look the possibility of seeing someone different.  And after doing some research I found H*.....and I've not looked back since.

Sometime ago, I believe I blogged about this article "The Healing Effects of 'Massage Mind'".  I did not really think about what I needed or wanted to get out of my appointment today.  I knew my shoulder needed some TLC and so did the rest of my body.  It's been a few weeks since I've seen her.  (*insert ran out of flex spending and so I need to stretch it as much as possible*) 

It didn't take long for my body to sink into the table.  I believe strongly that my body knew what it needed...and finding the stillness that comes along with Massage Mind was exactly what I needed.  For nearly 90 minutes, I was able to turn off the constant tape that was running in my mind.  Okay...ALMOST 90 minutes.  

I continue to struggle. Some days great. Some days horrible. Some days just numb.  Some days I have no clue how I got from point A: to point B: w/o killing someone or myself. 

Being able to turn off the clutter and background noise was healing.  At that moment it was what I needed.  The pain was still there.  Still present.  Yet, with each uncomfortable spot that H* would come across she held that space and did so in a manner that continued the space that I was in.

At one point, she needed to get my attention.  I don't believe that I had fallen asleep.  It was just a matter of being that incredible deep....in silence....stillness....quieting my mind!  It has been a long time since I've been in this spot where I've been able to truly tune out everything/one around me.  As mentioned in this article it states "I don't know where I was at....but I didn't want to come back."  This is exactly where I found myself as H* got my attention.  As I laid there I thought about it over and over...that spot where I was.  Wondering exactly where I had been.  

AND....wanting to go back!

Afterwards, we discussed how it was one of the first massages that I've had in several months where I've not been triggered by trauma, post surgical pain didn't seem to trigger trauma related stuff and in general there was an overall sense of relaxation...quietness...stillness....peacefulness!!

AND......I want it back!!!