Friday, September 21, 2012

~Own It~

Love this article. Please take the time to read it.I had to read it a few times to really get the depth of what she blogs about.  However, this one particular quote really stuck out to me.  If you get nothing out of it...get this:


Anyone been around this blog long, knows that recently I've had a surgeon tell me that my shoulder pain was  in my head.  And if I didn't have a nurse case manager with me...I would have believed him.  

Own it.  Take responsibility for picking yourself up.  Pick up the phone and make that call. Send an email. Reach out for help.  

No hiding the fact I struggle with suicidal ideation on a daily (sometimes hourly) bases.  Today was no different.  I had a good night sleep.  Best I've had in a few weeks.  I went to the dr this morning and decided not to go back to work. Had lunch with a friend and my husband. We shared some great laughs.  It was a decent morning on all accounts.

I went from feeling pretty dang good to all of a sudden the concrete divider on the highway was appealing.  This is how it works.
No rhyme or reason. Just happens.
These are the moments that scare the living shit out of me.
These are the moments when I wish J*'s phone didn't go to voice mail and I could *reach* her. I left her a message. As I usually do. Not specific. Calling my dh wouldn't help. And for the most part; I worked through this rough patch.

I know this blog isn't always the most 'uplifting'.  It is real. It is raw. It is life. It is the vomit of my thought process (often held back) on a daily basis.

And I will continue to try and own the fact that my mental health is in my hands....not in my head.

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