Thursday, April 5, 2012

Strength in the Broken Places

Finding strength in the broken places can be exhausting.  This is exactly where I'm at this evening as I try and find strength in those places that have left me raw and vulnerable.

I often find myself struggling with bits and pieces of the broken places.
I'm fortunate to have found an amazing massage therapist who is compassionate about the work she does.  After receiving two cortisone injections that left me in extreme amount of pain last night and today I was somewhat hesitant to have a massage.  Knowing that I needed to go...I embarked on a journey today that left me somewhat speechless.

I've spent a majority of the last several hours after leaving my massage trying to process what exactly happened. What I know is....This afternoon I had an experience that left me truly struggling to catch my breathe.  To find strength where there is very little.  It was something that took me completely by suprise.  And has left me trying to find the strength I know I have and hold on tight.  What a blessing it is to have a massage therapist who is passionate about the work she does and was able to guide me back to place of being present, to a place that I was safe and would remain safe and more importantly express to me her knowledge and understanding in what happened as she gentle touched a scar on my head.  Being able to know what happened and understand it is crucial

Much to my surprise when she asked me "How did you get that scar?" I was able in a matter of fact manner tell her.  And even more suprising was able to elaborate on a bit more of  'my story'.  The one that I try so very hard to hide.  And have went to great lengths not to discuss, supress and just move on.

Earlier this week I ordered a few different books.  I'm hoping that these books will give me the Courage that I need to continue healing.

My shoulders are both signficantly better this evening than when I got up this morning.  Still pretty dang painful but much better than they were earlier in the day.


GB's Mom said...

You are one of the most courageous people I know.

"Lil Ol' Me" said...

Sweet Momma...You give me courage everyday!! I love you and have learned soooo much from you, your resilience (sp) and your intense spirit!! THANK YOU!!! I love you more than you could ever begin to know.