No hiding the fact the last several months have been a struggle to keep swimming, to keep my head above water and not give in. There have been days where how I managed to get to the next is beyond me. Tonight was one of those days.
A somewhat small disagreement added to already vulnerable space I was in. Which spiraled quickly from there. It isn't pretty. I'm done. Obviously, my kids and husband seem to function and want to do things with out me. Why keep trying? What is the damn point? Clearly, all I'm good for bringing home a paycheck. And I'm tired of it. Fucking tired. It is 5pm and I'm going to bed. Regardless if I'm starving and my head hurts... I will find something, anything and sleep.. I'm done!!
The above was wrote last night while I laid in bed. I pushed publish but did not see it worked.
I'm still in bed. I have no plans on getting up anytime soon.
Just as I posted earlier my husband believes or thinks I don't want to do anything with them. Therefore, he didn't wake me up for church. Regardless of how much going with them triggers me....I still Go for my kids sake.
My body is reeling from the effects of taking meds that left me sound asleep for nearly 15 hrs. Only waking once to use br, respond to 3 private messages on Facebook, get a drink and back to bed.
Never had a drink in my life.... but I'm gathering how I'm feeling at this moment physically equals what a hangover would be like. It is all I can do not to check out the next 15hrs again! I've been down and out...this is probably the lowest I've been...getting up isn't something I'm able to see as a positive. Obviously my family continues on without me so why bother.