Saturday, March 17, 2012

Mother..Daughter Time

There is nothing I want more right than to crawl in bed with a diet pepsi, ice pack and surround myself with quiet.

Instead,  I have forced myself to come shopping and dinner with my 12 yr old daughter. 

I wanted to take her shopping earlier in the day.  However, it wasn't on her terms.  Therefore, we didn't make it out.

She's slowly letting her guard down.  And talking to me about some very minor....but serious things to her.  I will take it for what I can. 

She's gonna fight me...but next we are going bra shopping.  Here she comes...


I'm home.
I nearly had a panic attack.
Was reminded why I don't drink alcoholic beverages....yet may need to start.
And a few other things.

The girl has brought me to my knees.  She would not open up or say anything to me.  other than....thank you for the summer clothes I bought her.

I lay here in bed, no computer only my phone....tears stream down my cheeks.

How do I talk to my husband abt some of my concerns?  He can't keep his mouth shut.  And, yet...we don't hide anything from each other.

She kept asking if I needed/wanted to Go home.  I fought like hell to remain present, attempt to engage her in conversation over and over, and tell her no...I'm fine.   It is a tough balance. 

I WANT TO GO BACK TO WORK......yet I know there is no way in hell I can.  My activities today did not amount to much physically.   But, enough to show is unlikely!   I hurt so incredibly bad this evening it is only adding to the already present tears.

So for tonight I will try to sleep even though my pain level at the moment is abt a 8/10.  I will not Go to church tmw.  I will rest!!!

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