My son keeps coming to my room.
"Get up!" Is the general theme of his reasoning.
I am up I tell him.
He just comes back in amd says..."for the love of all that is holy....get up. It is 11am!" I am awake I tell him. We talk abt how he could crawl in bed and watch TVs with me. He says I need to be dressed. TRUE!
So I shower and come out to find him in my bed.
With a plate of PBJ toast, apple, and dt soda. Bless his heart.
We lay in bed watching some stupid show on TLC. I try telling him he needs a haircut and we should Go do that today. Oh and he needs shoes he reminds me. His Five Finger shoes became to small and he wants new ones.
I know J* and few others worry that me being off work isn't productive, increases depression and suicidal ideation, and overall isn't good for me. I'm trying to prove them wrong. I've had a few rough days. But overall... I'm managing....I think.
My head is spinning in a way that I wish it wasn't. One that I don't even know if I can adequately describe. Thinking/worrying about it makes me feel like I'm neurotic as ever.
In less than a month I see the a new pdoc. The one whom I've had an appt for a long time...months. I wish I could say I am relieved...I'm not. It just sunk in my head this morning that J* will be gone for 3-4 weeks. And in that time I see this new guy. And for some incoherent reason...it is weighing heavy on my thinking. J* and I discussed it last week. However, it didn't sink in fully till I woke up this morning. The anxiety and such involved with seeing "this" Dr has me in a tizzy. Having no one to process how that appointment goes for 2-3 weeks afterwards makes me even more anxious. I guess as my dh said to me last night after we csme to bed( and J* has recently figured into the equation)...I hv some abandonment issues. I've never tht abt it in that manner. But ...I guess they hv a point.
"Get up!" Is the general theme of his reasoning.
I am up I tell him.
He just comes back in amd says..."for the love of all that is holy....get up. It is 11am!" I am awake I tell him. We talk abt how he could crawl in bed and watch TVs with me. He says I need to be dressed. TRUE!
So I shower and come out to find him in my bed.
With a plate of PBJ toast, apple, and dt soda. Bless his heart.
We lay in bed watching some stupid show on TLC. I try telling him he needs a haircut and we should Go do that today. Oh and he needs shoes he reminds me. His Five Finger shoes became to small and he wants new ones.
I know J* and few others worry that me being off work isn't productive, increases depression and suicidal ideation, and overall isn't good for me. I'm trying to prove them wrong. I've had a few rough days. But overall... I'm managing....I think.
My head is spinning in a way that I wish it wasn't. One that I don't even know if I can adequately describe. Thinking/worrying about it makes me feel like I'm neurotic as ever.
In less than a month I see the a new pdoc. The one whom I've had an appt for a long time...months. I wish I could say I am relieved...I'm not. It just sunk in my head this morning that J* will be gone for 3-4 weeks. And in that time I see this new guy. And for some incoherent reason...it is weighing heavy on my thinking. J* and I discussed it last week. However, it didn't sink in fully till I woke up this morning. The anxiety and such involved with seeing "this" Dr has me in a tizzy. Having no one to process how that appointment goes for 2-3 weeks afterwards makes me even more anxious. I guess as my dh said to me last night after we csme to bed( and J* has recently figured into the equation)...I hv some abandonment issues. I've never tht abt it in that manner. But ...I guess they hv a point.
1 comment:
A lot of us have abandonment issues! Love you!
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