Start.Stop.Start.Stop

rinse, lather, repeat.

I've started several times in the last week blog posts.

Each time...I've started.  And then stopped.  For whatever reason.

Not much blog worthy.  Only reason I'm blogging tonight is for my "own" ability to look back.  Check in.  See the difference or lack there of.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While listening to a commercial from local news station tonight I 'glanced' and saw someone I knew.  I nearly fell off the couch.  My dh nearly had a kiniption fit as I told him over and over "back that up...stop...OMG....that is _____"  He wasn't impressed.  Nor was I.  But he was less impressed on how "this person triggered a really bad response" in me. 

I've not been able to shake it.  I needed to see the segment to know if it truly was this person.  I wish I could say it wasn't bothersome to me.  I had an instant headache come on.  I literally threw up several times and was unable to read what the article was on.  Which btw: I REALLY am very supportive of. 

I've not mentioned much on here about a rather difficult time in my life where I was hospitalized.  This person played a very large role in it.  She triangulated between my dh and I.  She claimed to be a very good friend.  Claimed that I was her best friend.  And yet, she betrayed me in a way that was rather traumatic.  She triangulated between my BFF and I.  It wasn't until she dropped her child off at my BFF's house and was clearly high on drugs that my BFF cut the cord w/her. And so did I.  There was something else that happened shortly there after that again sent me for a really bad tailspin. 

Needless to say......this was a rather shock seeing her in the news and what the segment was on and having her family be a part of it.  PUKE!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friday will be my first big day back to work since the accident a week ago.  I did work a long day last Friday. However, most of that was oncall.  And so was Sunday.  I've got nearly a 12 hr day tmw.  And I"m not looking fwd to it.  Who would. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I went back to the massage therapist I've seen a few different times.  Actually today was the 3 or 4rth time I've seen her.  It is very interesting to have such a different type of massage.   This person really follows her intuition and goes w/that flow.  Her light touch was very much appreciated today.  However, sometimes I think deep tissue/touch is just as good.  I've got some thoughts on the differences and how it relates to triggers, anxiety, past traumas, ect ect.  Sometime when I'm able to gather those thoughts and put them all in one place that makes sense...I will post it.