Wishing I Didnt Understand.....

But I do.

This afternoon while sitting at work I read a FB status from a dear friend of mine.  I was brought to my knees and there were no words I could say to take away her pain.

Her status was simple.  Yet said so much.  "Grandma and grandpa will miss you, __.  I knew then why she had tried to call me the last 2 days, several times.  I have worked crazy hours and not had the best of few days myself.  Even though, I had called one friend yesterday to check in on her and how she was feeling....I have not called or returned calls in days.

I knew when I called my friend back there would be no words that could take away the deep pain she was feeling.

As I listened to her sob and ask over and over...why....I wondered myself..

Why!!

Why does suicide have to happen?
Why does mental health have to come with such horrible stigmas?
Why the hell did my friend have to loose her grandson?

She said to me, "-, I know you know what it is like to get to that dark place.  I can't figure out.

WHY!!!

I had not answers.
Nothing profound.
I had nothing to offer.

All I could say in response is....I understand.  I WISH I DIDNT. It is so effed up.  And it sucks.  For you.  For your husband.  For your daughter.  For your grandson.  Sorry isn't good enough.  Sorry doesn't take away or answer anything.  And for that my friend....I AM SO IMCREDIBLE SORRY!

Tonight,  I will hug my daughter a little tighter.
Tonight, I will hug my son a little tighter.
Tonight, I will try to remember to re-read this post and recall the pain and emotion I heard from my dear friend and pray in those moments of darkness, I can remember my dear friends pain. 

I LOVE YOU DARLING!!!