Monday, August 15, 2011
I'm not doing.....
Things didn't go so smooth. I laid in bed, texted a friend my irratation w/dh and his bright ideas to get me out of bed EARLY and covered my head w/the comforter. And prayed he would get the h* out of the house....becuase I could feel an epic meltdown working its way to the surface.
I had no goals today.
In fact. I did have 2 goals. The first, I accomplished yesterday after I got off work. That was a promise that I would take my kids to Targ'et to spend the $100+ they received in BD gift cards to this lovely big box store. I initially had mentioned I would take them today, Monday. Then, last night I had a '2nd wind' after coming home from work and said "I don't care that it is Sunday....I am not doing sh*t tmw.... and I'm getting it done today".
I did not want to stay in bed because I was super depressed, anxious, suicidal, homicidal (ok...it came close to getting ugly when the man wouldn't leave me the freek alone....the comforter over my head was a sigh he better leave...I think)....I just didn't want.to.be.bothered!!
Nearly 'work day' I have to get up between 3:30-4:30am. I'm not a nice person that time in the morning. And often times I don't get off or home from work until 6:30-7:30pm. Every once in a while....as in TODAY.....I had plans of doing SH*T!!
I did get up....with in minutes of him leaving. I showered. I did not do my hair. I sat in a tank top and capris on my laptop. He comes home and starts riding me like flies on sh*t...to leave. WTH!!
My mini-melt-down wasn't so bad...I think.
I gave in and went shoe shopping.
This is the thing....self care is important. I knew that I needed to do sh*t today. And I tried to say it in a way that was 'nice'. I tried to use some of that therapy babble that J* discusses w/me all the time. She would be proud. Well, maybe not....but she would atleast know that I do *listen* once in a great moon. "I....I...I...you know those I......statements that are so crucial". And I even told him in a manner that didnt' involve me swearing or getting mad. Well, that is partially true. After HE didn't hear what I was trying to say...as in I AM DOING SH*T TODAY.....it got a tad more not very theraputic on my part...and I'm sure she will have something to say that will tell me I could have done it differently.
I will declare Tuesday a...
"I'm not doing sh*t day"....except I do have a therapy appt and a massage!