I'm not doing.....

My husband seemed to think that waking me up bright and early (before noon) was needed today.  I, on the other hand, was not to impressed with his bright ideas to go shoe shopping for school. 

Things didn't go so smooth.  I laid in bed, texted a friend my irratation w/dh and his bright ideas to get me out of bed EARLY and covered my head w/the comforter.  And prayed he would get the h* out of the house....becuase I could feel an epic meltdown working its way to the surface. 

I had no goals today.

In fact.  I did have 2 goals.  The first, I accomplished yesterday after I got off work.  That was a promise that I would take my kids to Targ'et to spend the $100+ they received in BD gift cards to this lovely big box store.  I initially had mentioned I would take them today, Monday.  Then, last night I had a '2nd wind' after coming home from work and said "I don't care that it is Sunday....I am not doing sh*t tmw.... and I'm getting it done today".

I did not want to stay in bed because I was super depressed, anxious, suicidal, homicidal (ok...it came close to getting ugly when the man wouldn't leave me the freek alone....the comforter over my head was a sigh he better leave...I think)....I just didn't want.to.be.bothered!!

Nearly 'work day' I have to get up between 3:30-4:30am.  I'm not a nice person that time in the morning.  And often times I don't get off or home from work until 6:30-7:30pm.  Every once in a while....as in TODAY.....I had plans of doing SH*T!! 

I did get up....with in minutes of him leaving.  I showered. I did not do my hair. I sat in a tank top and capris on my laptop.  He comes home and starts riding me like flies on sh*t...to leave. WTH!! 

My mini-melt-down wasn't so bad...I think.

I gave in and went shoe shopping. 

This is the thing....self care is important.  I knew that I needed to do sh*t today.  And I tried to say it in a way that was 'nice'.  I tried to use some of that therapy babble that J* discusses w/me all the time.  She would be proud.  Well, maybe not....but she would atleast know that I do *listen* once in a great moon.  "I....I...I...you know those I......statements that are so crucial".  And I even told him in a manner that didnt' involve me swearing or getting mad.  Well, that is partially true.  After HE didn't hear what I was trying to say...as in I AM DOING SH*T TODAY.....it got a tad more not very theraputic on my part...and I'm sure she will have something to say that will tell me I could have done it differently.

I will declare Tuesday a...

"I'm not doing sh*t day"....except I do have a therapy appt and a massage!