Wednesday, December 19, 2012

~System Reset~

As I slowly climb my way out of the dark hole that I've been, in the world continues to move on.   Deep depression and suicidal ideation has slowly faded. It's there.  I am not convinced it will ever go away.  There are days when I wonder what it would be like to not always be wondering when the next bout will come creeping/crashing back in.

For today I didn't think about when the lights would go back out.  I got up at the @ss crack of dawn and drove 80 miles on country roads for me daughter to do a 'presentation' of socks to the county foster care unit where my mother works.  After a 5 minute presentation and talk, we got back in the car and drove 80 miles back home.  I took a vacation day today. Scheduled a massage and had physical therapy.

I walked around a mini-mall that is in an upscale neighborhood. I never go there. I enjoyed looking at each of the large gingerbread houses. And then I walked outside into a flurry of large white fluffy stuff.  The first we've really had at this point.

I had an appt for a massage at noon.  I've blogged before about "The Healing effects of Massage Mind".  For the first time in months....this article explains exactly where I spent 90 minutes of my day.  The worry about when the lights would flicker on/off.

All of it....gone.
The non-stop chatter.
The snarkiness.
The anger.
The frustrations.
The self-doubt.
The endless worry.

GONE.  Not for part of my massage. Not for half of it.  For 99% of the 90 minutes that I laid on that was all gone.  

H* described it so well when I stepped into her office after collecting my thoughts.  "You needed that system reset." 

And that is the same thought as I sat in the rocker putting my socks on.  I needed this reset.  There was no deep tissue work.  There was no deep myfacia release.  There was no pain (well...not really I have a few trigger points on my hip/sciatic that are painful).    I

We all need a System Reset from time to time. It was what I needed today.