Tuesday, May 22, 2012

B* Fest

I'm trying very hard to be positive.  You could probably say it isn't really working all that well.  Actually, not at all.  I've deleted several blog posts today bc it amounted to no more than a B* fest. 

I'm pissed at myself.  For doing stupid shit.  Something that I am not even going to go into.  Self sabatoge is what J* and every other therapist I've ever seen will tell me.  She's right. I know it.  I would have hoped and thought that after the amount of time I've been in therapy I would have figured this shit out.  Obviously, something hasn't clicked or I just don't give a f*.  Probably both.

Taking care of myself is something that I'm obviously not very good at doing.  Shit, one could say taking care of anything is not my forte'.  I wouldn't argue one bit.  I'm fortunate, even though he makes me mad as ever somedays, my dh brings me lunch when I'm working.  He notices when I don't make something or will not take anything but soda and popcorn.  Today, he brought me a sub from my favorite sub shop.  This evening he made a quick and easy dinner.  Unfortunately, I had a rather severe allergic reaction.  There were no eggs in anything I ate.  My children were very quick to pull the packaging out of the garbage to see.  It's something I've had a 1000 times.  And today....it kicked my ass.  I'm going to venture to say that my lack of proper diet...aka: protien intake was the culprit. So when I at nothing but protein....I became very ill.  Lesson learned---I wish. 

J* gave me a homework assignement....I attempted to read over the materials today.  Only it was missing some pages.  As in 3-4 pages.  Can't do it...if I don't have it all.  I get the jist of it..

Finding a safe place that doesn't involve children, husband, noise, animals, chaos....should be easy in my home.  My children and dh are rather easy going and tend to be supportive.  However, as I read this homework assignment (the part that I had....lol)...I found myself struggling to figure out "where my safe place in a time of need would be.  Where could I sit in quiet...peacefullness....being present w/no distractions..where could that be? 

Time will tell.

And because I've just been in this kind of mood.....here is a rather "snarky" picture of the day.

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