I'm pissed at myself. For doing stupid shit. Something that I am not even going to go into. Self sabatoge is what J* and every other therapist I've ever seen will tell me. She's right. I know it. I would have hoped and thought that after the amount of time I've been in therapy I would have figured this shit out. Obviously, something hasn't clicked or I just don't give a f*. Probably both.
Taking care of myself is something that I'm obviously not very good at doing. Shit, one could say taking care of anything is not my forte'. I wouldn't argue one bit. I'm fortunate, even though he makes me mad as ever somedays, my dh brings me lunch when I'm working. He notices when I don't make something or will not take anything but soda and popcorn. Today, he brought me a sub from my favorite sub shop. This evening he made a quick and easy dinner. Unfortunately, I had a rather severe allergic reaction. There were no eggs in anything I ate. My children were very quick to pull the packaging out of the garbage to see. It's something I've had a 1000 times. And today....it kicked my ass. I'm going to venture to say that my lack of proper diet...aka: protien intake was the culprit. So when I at nothing but protein....I became very ill. Lesson learned---I wish.
J* gave me a homework assignement....I attempted to read over the materials today. Only it was missing some pages. As in 3-4 pages. Can't do it...if I don't have it all. I get the jist of it..
Finding a safe place that doesn't involve children, husband, noise, animals, chaos....should be easy in my home. My children and dh are rather easy going and tend to be supportive. However, as I read this homework assignment (the part that I had....lol)...I found myself struggling to figure out "where my safe place in a time of need would be. Where could I sit in quiet...peacefullness....being present w/no distractions..where could that be?
Time will tell.
And because I've just been in this kind of mood.....here is a rather "snarky" picture of the day.
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