Numb

The narcotic pain meds are doing a number on my stomach.  Heartburn gets worse and worse.  Sleep less and less.

There are moments....little moments here and there where there is relief.  Tuesday after having a massage on Monday there was a little relief. When the pain started back in on Tuesday afternoon/evening it came with a vengeance.  Leaving me with just a few hours of sleep.

I woke after sleeping from 6-8 in my bed... this morning in a world of hurt.  Panicky and full of tears.  My husband called my surgeons office for me. I was woke up by a phone call and was barely able to talk on the phone for that call (that I had to take or I would have let it go to voice mail...it was my work comp case manager).

My surgeon was at the hospital in surgery today.  They promised to call back as soon as they spoke to him in between his cases.  Insisting that he would want to see me and made an appt for me tmw afternoon.  With in an hour the office staff called back.  They wanted me to have someone come in and pick up some pain patch (Flector) and give them a try.

My husband knows that I'm going stir crazy, getting crazy depressed, and needed to get out of the house.  So we went for a drive.  I also, saw my chiropractor while we were out.  My chiropractor knows me very well and one of his first comments was not how I looked on a "you hurt physically" realm of things.  However, he was concerned about how i looked on an emotional aspect.  His questions and concerns were "when do you see your psychiatrist again?  when do you see your therapist?  have you been seeing them?" and blah blah blah... I reassured him that I've seen J* every week since my surgery and have had an appt with Dr. KSB since my surgery.  He encouraged me to call their office and touch base.

The Flector patch provided a few hours of complete pain relief this afternoon/evening.  As I type this I'm having quite a bit of pain and it is a sleepless night, again.

As I have taken less and less of the narcotic pain medications...I am less and less numb to the emotional overload that had taken up residence prior to my surgery.

I absolutely hate how the pain meds make me feel.  And yet, this evening....that numb feeling ...is so much better than having it all exposed out on the surface.