Thursday, November 29, 2012

Doesn't Get Easier

I've stared at this screen for well over an hour.  Trying to come up with the words to what I'm thinking and feeling right now.

About a month ago I wrote this post "The Good, The Bad, The Ugly....Meds Suck".  Meds can certainly suck. 

My appt with my psychiatrist was rather gut wrenching.  Again. It doesn't get any easier hearing the same things that she has told me many times over.  In fact, it gets harder.  And being able to feel my doctors frustration with where things are at made it even harder.  

When I walked threw the doors of my house this evening and my children were arguing like children do...I was reminded why I walked threw that door again.  
And then the tears fell even harder.
And they've not stopped.
I wish I had the answers.
I wish this wasn't so freaking hard.
I wish that the power of positive thinking would be the magic cure.
I wish this would be so much different than it is.
I wish there were answers. 

It doesn't get easier to get back up...
It gets increasingly harder...each time I hear the words out of Dr. K*'s mouth.

Getting back up...doesn't get easier.

1 comment:

Judy Susan said...

Getting back up doesn't get any easier. Getting back up is just something we have to do because of what you saw when you walked back through your front door. The Kids..

When I had no other reason to get back up. When the darkness under the bed that was now half empty, started to consume me.. I just looked at the kid..

I'm wishing you all the strength and success at getting back up. I can't tell you how,, can't tell you when.. just sending the strength to do it your way.

Hugs and Smooches.. and wine and chocolate if you wish...

hang tough and rock it solid