Simple things....

...throw me for a loop.  They always have.  For several years.  I shouldn't say always.  Just, well...since becoming a mom. 

Few weeks ago I mentioned briefly about the mentality I've had for a long time that "this is as good as it gets" and have not really thought much past that.

Overall I've been feeling much better on all aspects of life.  It is obvious the treatments I've received are helping.  As much as they can help!

Along with the iron treatments, I've switched massage therapist(s) to just one particular person.  I've blogged before here and on my other blog about the definate benefits and what I find as benies from regular massages.  There are definate benies from having someone that is not only experienced but in tune w/her own body and yours.

Today I found myself verbally putting words to a couple of things that I've thought off and on and been able to recognize myself...however, have not ever said outloud.  As I mentioned the things I that have come a bit more to the surface from having switched to a different massage therapist. 

Over the next several hours I sat w/the thought of having told someone, that I think very dearly of and trust dearly.  And...was at peace. 

Tonight...not so much at peace.

Something rather simple happened this afternoon while I was at the hemo clinic and has then set that lil tail spin a spinning. 

I can't seem to kick it.

I've pulled out my d.bt homework book.
Decided to put it back it back in my car. (the car is a good place for it)
I've tried to distract myself with many other things.

Then I came across a blog post from Sugar Filled Emotions on Honoring your Parents and writing a tribute to them.  As I read this post it became painfully obvious to me that this would be something that would be very hard for me to do. Because the very same things that are bothering me tonight are the very same things that I can't positively put into a tribute to my parents.  Well, my mother I could.  But my birth father.  HELL to the NO!! 

I know this post is choppy.  That is the best I can describe my thoughts lately....very choppy.