Each year the ETAAM experience has been drastically different.
This year I went with different expectations for myself than in the past. I went wanting to be able to push the darkness aside and bask in the love and friendship that has been created. Put aside the marital issues that keep me awake more than I sleep.
And while I did fill up on that love. It didn't really do much for tht dark space that I've been in.
The uncertainty of what laid head of me when I came home weighed heavy on my heart. I see there are babysteps and in some areas I'm hopeful. And then as soon as that hope shines a little brighter ..I'm smacked with another doozy.
Being positive and setting that part aside was pretty damn tough. Overwhelmed with all different emotions regarding why I was there caught me off guard. Things that I thought I was at peace with....reared its ugly head...and...had the scab picked off. And while I could have at anytime talked to just abt anyone abt tht scab I choose not to for variety of reasons.
This post is all over then place I know. When I'm able to sit down at my computer I have a few "brain dumps" as I like to call my blog posts.