Overwhelmed

Yesterday afternoon I met with a clinic for a consultation and information about TMS Therapy.  I left overwhelmed and scared all in one. Speaking to a stranger about some of the dark moments and the current state I've been in was tough.  And having my husband there was tougher.

The level of emotional toll was high as I went to my next appointment for my shoulder.

The pain during that appointment was much higher than it had been in recent appointments.  I was unable to keep myself together enough to stay present during the treatment.  Which ended up with me having hitting my eye and cheek.  It was destined to be a black eye.  However, it isn't looking to bad right now.   It is sore.  A reminder of the space that got me to that point.

I left that appt and went to have a massage.  Being able to find some sort of balance and grounding was my goal.  It didn't happen.  Occasionally,  I leave massages feeling unraveled.  This appointment was one of them.

I came home to dinner and had a nice chat with my kids.   They were excited about the GF lasagna and desert.  My son had a friend come over and he was telling all about that.

And then I got a message via FB from my mom: "Gim  (my nickname), call me asap.". She told me wht happened in the message.  I was speechless.   And just like that my world stopped for a few moments.

My nephew was left without a mother yesterday.  She decided that life was to much.  She let depression and mental illness win.  She robbed her son of having a mother.

I get what that looks like.  I get what it is like to go to sleep and not wake up.

And as much as I get it...it still sucks!