Sufficating

That is the first thought I had when I woke up yesterday morning and this morning.  It has been a rather long stint of this up and down roller coaster ride I've been on for the last few weeks (months).

Initially was thought that maybe the holiday was a part of the downward spiral that I was starting.  I don't believe that is really so.

The moment I woke up yesterday and climbed my tired rear end into the shower at a mere 3:30am I knew I was in for a long day. I knew I was screwed as the sufficating darkness was sitting on my chest. I thought maybe a very hot shower would be helpful.  No such luck.  I worked my semi-short (-4 hr) shift.  Fighting back tears for no real apparent reason.  Because the sky was blue.  That is just me, like many other days recently, trying hard to not burst into tears while I'm working.  Because, seriously it doesn't bode very well when your morning commute consists to of your bus driver crying. 

After coming home I even tried to run the dispair and darkness away by spending 30 minutes on my eliptical.  Which only made me more upset as I continued on my jourey to get this to pass.  After all was said and done all the darkness was still there.  Still eating away at my soul.

After my first appt I met my friend and husband for lunch and then on to a massage.  My usually talk-a-tive massage therapist had to have sensed that I was not very interested in talking.

From there I had a therapy appointment with my therapist.  One of her questions for me upon hearing that I cancelled my appt with my Natural Path Doctor was "how come you are here?  why did you show up for this appointment?"

More on that....next.