Goodbye January

I've had enough of January for one year. I've never in 39 yrs wished a month to leave and be done with. Today...I am!

Enough is enough. 

January 1 was our 20th wedding anniversary. It also started new beginnings/relationships with therapist and doctors bc of an insurance change. It has been nearly 16 yrs since we had anything other than our previous insurance. 

As the last few weeks have unfoiled and we met our new doctors. We have learned things that the precious medical team overlooked. Serious things. Things that could potentially be life altering. As a result my husband will be having a repeat TURP surgery and surgery to remove 2 large kidney stones. Some of the largest stones this new urologist has ever seen. And he stated yesterday they have likely been there for sometime. They need to be removed ASAP bc they are closer to the opening to his ureuter than safely they should be. 

I've met and seen my new therapist a few times. From this side I think it will be a good match. My own 'issues' with trust are causing me more anxiety than is probably warranted. I met a new psychiatrist. And will most likely see her one more time for a follow up. I have an appt with a different psychiatrist in March. There were several things I didn't like abt this dr. And after much thought and prayer have decided to switch. Go out of my comfort zone and see a male psychiatrist. I don't like the idea. And an less than comfortable with it. However, at the moment I think this is what is needed. 

February will bring with it a repeat/revision shoulder surgery. And my husband will be having a repeat/revision TURP and will have kidney stones roved at the same time. 

I made the decision to not attend the Orlando BeTA retreat this year. And it is looking like that decision was for the better on many aspects. I'm not in a place or interested at this point in meeting new people. However, will miss the friendships and connections I've made in the past. This isn't my year and I'm at peace with knowing I made the right choice. 

Overall not much has changed and I'm not in that good of a space. Somedays I just want to tell life to 'suck it'. And quite honestly...I have!!